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May 23 2018

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garbage-empress:

portentsofwoe:

gifsofprocesses:

Pulling apart duct tape causes chemical bonds to break which indirectly gives rise to a faint blue glow in an effect called triboluminescence 

how i have not known this my whole life. why didnt anyone go ‘hey check this out’

probably because most people won’t say “hey come into this completely dark room I want to show you something involving duct tape”

May 22 2018

bluegrasshole:

hyyhp2:

hey rb and tag a food from your culture that everyone loves but you hate

this post is rly opening my eyes to the fact that some people have no culture…. tagging this with #ketchup and #chicken … how unironically sad

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gohdlike:

In celebration of the recent heatwave we got in the UK 

May 21 2018

muldertorture:

peanutworm:

thewildonion:

chiefmilesobrien:

peanutworm:

You, an intellectual: 9+7=16

Me, with ADHD: if you take 1 from 9 and give it to 7 thats 8+8 and 8x2 is 16

Someone, usually a Teacher: NOT LIKE THAT YOU HEATHEN

This is literally how I would have done it

9 is a hungry bitch and takes one from 7, making it 10+6=16

VALID

I was always taught that when you’re adding to 9 the second number of the answer is 1 less than what you were adding

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gahdamnpunk:

You can’t tell me Lupita is not an airbender

May 20 2018

patron-saint-of-smart-asses:

taylor-tut:

taylor-tut:

y’all know that john mulaney quote “the things crazy people say mean nothing to them but everything to me?”

every time i hear that quote, i think about how i got this light-up pen

i got this pen four years ago when i was working as a barista at starbucks. I was on the registers and taking the order of this woman, who ordered a nonfat latte, because she was “watching her weight”

so this guy behind her, whom no one was talking to, for some fucking reason says “wathing your weight? but what about the wait for your watch?“ (which is a completely unhinged response. like just complete Mad Hatter nonsense)

anyway this lady gets really uncomfortable and of the five people (me, him, her, the other checker, and the customer at the other register) who were now sucked into the uncomfortable silence, i decided that i should alleviate the tension by saying “you can’t wait for a watch; you don’t have the time”

and then he said “oh, quick girl!”, gave me that pen, got out of line, and left without ordering anything 

You pleased a mad fae trickster

jumpingjacktrash:

the-rain-monster:

jenniferrpovey:

helen007900:

jenniferrpovey:

lily-ackerman:

enscenic:

cosplay-in-the-usa:

rae-rose:

who-lligan:

So I just had the shit creeped out of me.

I’m not someone who believes in ghosts, but I was sitting in my room, alone and in the dark, and I heard the strings of my violin being softly plucked. 

My violin is hanging on the wall several feet away. 

So I gathered my courage, grabbed my phone, and used the camera light to investigate. 

And found this.

image

A goddamn spider was playing my violin. Not even joking. The little shit.

I think I’d have preferred a ghost….

So anyway…. *tiny incoherent cough exhumes from spider* Here’s Wonderwall.

bwa ha ha ha

I hesitated before posting, but I bet I know what’s going on here. The plucking was pretty rhythmic, right?

Male spiders pluck the webs of female spiders in a pattern to determine if the female is interested.

That spider was trying to mate with your violin…

Ahh so it’s a boy(I just assume every insect I see is a girl) that’s such a cute mating ritual!

He just wants love!

The behavior would indicate that it is a male. Only females weave webs. Male spiders have to be careful not to be mistaken for prey and eaten, so they pluck the web. Poor thing didn’t exactly get any this time!

Poor spider thinking “Damn this web was made by a strong spider, a real awesome spider, can I possibly get with this boss ass spider??”

poor little hyperion, dreaming of the moon

May 19 2018

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brujahinaskirt:

kreolemami:

best animation of all time don’t @ me bitch

You know when you can just tell the artist/writer behind a scene has actually been in love before, and then again when they really haven’t? This one has.

May 18 2018

heroofferelden:

heroofferelden:

when u touch an unaware cat and they make that small surprised sound reblog if u agree


rhythmic-idealist:

zomblequeen:

badaxefamily:

attentiondeficitstarscream:

if you’re offline or away and i message you something (like a link to a meme or a picture or w/e) honestly just assume that i’m just leaving it there for when you get back and not expecting you to answer straight away. i don’t need you to respond with “hey, sorry, i wasn’t at the computer!” or anything. i was leaving u a gift for later.

I do this all the time on Discord. I’m not expecting a response, I’m just sharing a thing for whenever you happen to see it.

I regularly send my friends memes when I know they’re asleep because I know

they will wake

and then

they will scream

This post, but also when you’re awake and online and even posting. It’s chill! I’m leaving that there for you whenever, that’s the nice thing about technological advancements like instance messaging, it means I can do that without sending you awkward clunky emails, and they DON’T mean we as human beings need to be available to each other immediately! I’m sending you a letter. Take care of it whenever!

May 17 2018

free-dogs:

Normalize bare faces in ALL settings. Makeup should not be a requirement for beauty, professionalism or hygiene. Normalize the idea that if applying makeup isn’t enjoyable there’s no reason to be wearing it. Then destroy the elitism within makeup culture and destroy the idea that makeup as a hobby requires spending a lot of money.

May 16 2018

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pesterchum:

whose homestuck kid is it anyway

May 15 2018

let-tyrants-fear:

aconfusedbird:

ineffectualdemon:

“Babies only cry if they are hungry, need changing, or need to be picked up”

Lies

Babies (and small children) also cry for reasons such as:

1. “I am tired and that makes me angry”

2. “I scared myself with a fart”

3. “You are the wrong parent”

4. “I ran into something with my face”

5. “I’m facing the opposite direction then the one I want to”

6. “I fell asleep in one place and woke up somewhere completely different”

7. “I am a very small person in a very big world”

8. “I got scared because YOU farted”


Babies have more then 3 states of being and sometimes you just have to hold them and bounce them gently while saying solemnly “yes it is very hard to be a baby” because frankly it is

you have to remember that when you’re that tiny… pretty much any bad thing that happens to you is LITERALLY the WORST thing that has ever happened in your life. they have no perspective. everything is awful. help them

#everything is happening for the first time and they cant even google it  

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

doll-frakking-house:

azriona:

pilgrimkitty:

carolrance:

taurieal:

is there ever that one celebrity that no matter what mood youre in, if you feel like crap you just see a picture of them and you just smile and think “thank you for existing” because they have made your day brighter even if you don’t really know them 

the correct answer is:

imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage

This is the correct answer. Did you know that when she finds out a studio has asked an actress to lose weight she contacts them and yells at them?

I did not know that, but I do remember an interview where she said she keeps her Oscar in her downstairs loo, because that’s the one her guests use, so they can just go use the loo and don’t have to ask if they can hold her Oscar. Plus then they’ve got the mirror so they can practice their acceptance speeches.

This woman is a Gift

THE HERO WE NEED

May 14 2018

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davetheshady:

brawltogethernow:

shapechangersinwinter:

locusimperium:

A few years ago, when I was living in the housing co-op and looking for a quick cookie recipe, I came across a blog post for something called “Norwegian Christmas butter squares.” I’d never found anything like it before: it created rich, buttery and chewy cookies, like a vastly superior version of the holiday sugar cookies I’d eaten growing up. About a year ago I went looking for the recipe again, and failed to find it. The blog had been taken down, and it sent me into momentary panic. 

Luckily, I remembered enough to find it on the Wayback Machine, and quickly copied it into a file that I’ve saved ever since. I probably make these cookies about once a month, and they last about five days around my voracious husband - they’re fantastic with a cup of bitter coffee or tea. I’m skeptical that there is something distinctively Norwegian about these cookies, but they do seem like the perfect thing to eat on a cold day. 

Norwegian Christmas Butter Squares

1 cup unsalted butter, softened

1 egg
1 cup sugar
2 cups flour
1 tsp vanilla
½ tsp salt
Turbinado/ Raw Sugar for dusting

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Chill a 9x13″ baking pan in the freezer. Do not grease the pan.

Using a mixer, blend the butter, egg, sugar, and salt together until it is creamy.  Add the flour and vanilla and mix using your hands until the mixture holds together in large clumps. If it seems overly soft, add a little extra flour. 

Using your hands, press the dough out onto the chilled and ungreased baking sheet until it is even and ¼ inch thick.  Dust the top of the cookies evenly with raw sugar.

Bake at 400 degrees until the edges turn a golden brown, about 12-15 minutes. Remove from the oven. Let cool for about five minutes before cutting the cooked dough into squares. Remove the squares from the warm pan using a spatula.

So I tried this recipe.

And it is GREAT.

It basically makes the platonic ideal of commercial sugar cookies, only in bar form. When I give them to people (which I do a lot, because this is one of those simple recipes where the results seem very impressive), I just tell them they’re sugar cookie bars.

Life hack: add white chocolate chips and sea salt

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markv5:

Чтобы «лысик» не мёрз))))…

May 13 2018

justbadpuns:

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef..

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

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